Ah yes, the Christmas season. Time to wax nostalgic and time for me to start sharing my horrible, no good, very bad dating experiences. We will start with the doozy from last year at this time.
I am on all sorts of social Web sites but gave up on the dating sites quite some time ago. This particular site is for marrieds, singles, marrieds who wish they were still single, singles who wish they were married, etc. etc.
This guy found me on one of these social sites and starting writing me. We wrote back and forth for a month and I must admit, my biggest concern was whether or not he was gay. His pic was a little suspect, but hey, I am willing to give people a shot for better or worse. We basically wrote for a month. I had started my new job on December 1 and didn't have ANY spare time to go out on a date. He finally suggested that we meet in person and then it took a few weeks to figure out when it would work for both of us.
We met at Rodizio Grill in American Fork. I remember how crazy the weather was. It was NASTY and the roads were terrible, but I made it. He was waiting for me in a corner booth. Conversation was easy, he was fun to talk to and I thought he looked a little old for 50 or 51 which is what his profile said. It was hard to believe that he had never sealed the deal with anyone since he was such a nice, kind guy.
While on date #1, I was very impressed because he basically asked me out for date #2. Then he later bumped up the date by a week. I was excited about that, because hey, so far, so good.
Date #2 was a movie and dessert at Red Mango. We saw Sherlock Holmes which I loved. I love Robert Downey Jr. so I was excited to see it and really loved it. We then went to Red Mango where bomb #1 was dropped. During our casual, easy conversation, he nonchalantly dropped the fact that he was older than I thought he was. I told him, "No, I know how old you are, you are 50." Now being 110% honest about the situation, 10 years seemed a bit of a stretch, but again, for a good guy, I am willing to give him a shot. His response was "No, I am older than that, I am 57." BIG BOMB! He is closer to my uncle's age than he is to mine AND my uncle is a grandpa. 57 and never been married AND a Mormon!?!?!!?!?
My initial reaction wasn't pretty. I actually couldn't stop laughing. I just couldn't get over the fact that I am so excited about someone, finally and he is an old man (no offense to those who are reading this who are old men, it's just that I don't want to date someone who technically could be retired and probably subscribes to AARP). Course, as a side note, if I ever were to marry someone that old, and we had kids, I would be the only one in the family having to pay full price. He would get the senior citizen discount and the kids of course, would get their discount. It's a bargain lover's dream situation, really.
I think I even said horrible things such as, "You are, BY FAR, the oldest person I have ever gone out with." and, "You are closer to my parents' age than you are to mine." You know, super charming, endearing comments that win a guy's heart. While we were discussing his age, there were 2 girls in their twenties who had been sitting next to us and I am sure overheard us. They both sort of looked at me with pity and sympathy in their eyes, and walked out the door. Poor Craig. He ended the date by telling me he would give me a call sometime and maybe I could consider dating an old man or something equally sad.
I was SO disappointed driving home. I really had kind of crushed on him. 57!?!?!?!? He is almost 60. I just couldn't bring myself to go there. So, after a weekend of mulling it over and discussing it with the single ladies in the 'hood, I decided that if it worked out, a few good years with a nice, good guy would be better than years all alone. Sooooo, I swallowed my pride, and wrote him an e-mail apologizing for my reaction. He just didn't seem that old to me. I told him that there was enough that I liked about him that I would not worry about the age gap if he still wanted to go out with me. He responded by telling me he wanted to spend lots of time getting to know me and spending time with me and would I like to go to a play that weekend?
Date #3! This was looking pretty good. I was excited to go out with him. Times were crazy with my 4 Runner in the shop and all this stuff going on with my calling, but I was going on date #3 with this guy that I thought I could like, so I was pretty stoked and left all the calling stuff behind for a night. With my car in the shop I had this crazy stick shift jeep that made me feel like I was in high school. I told him I would meet him at his house then we were going to dinner with his neighbors, then the play by ourselves. We took the jeep, because how fun to be one sort of old person and one VERY old person playing like we were in high school again.
I thought it was strange he invited his neighbors to dinner, but then I realized as the dinner progressed (Thai food which I LOVE), that he was trying to sell me to them. I thought, "This guy really likes me because he is sure bragging up a storm about what little he knows about me." We ran off so we wouldn't miss the play. It was a hokey 70's play at the Scera. Good ol' community theater at it's finest. We had SUCH a great time. I was liking him more and more and it was so easy to be with him. After the play, we went back to his house because he wanted to give me the grand tour. He had spare slippers for his guests which to me, was a little odd, but hey, you don't get to be this age (or older) and single without some oddness here and there. Once we were there, he started really trying to sell himself to me. We had a good time and it was kinda' late so I decided it was time to leave. He gave me a hug and walked me to the jeep. He mentioned how much fun we would have during the summer with a jeep or something along those lines. WOW! Speaking of future, summer fun when it was the dead of winter with snow on the ground. I think this guy might like me.
So, then the waiting game began. I didn't hear from him which I thought was a little strange, but girls are always more anxious. Finally, we exchanged a few e-mails and he said he was going to Aspen Grove with his family for the weekend. I decided to wait til he got back to respond. THANK GOODNESS.
That weekend, I met some friends for lunch. I was going on and on about this great guy that I met who I thought I could probably like if we kept dating despite the difference in age. My friend Sal asked what his name was. I told her and this was her response (with no warning, mind you): I know who he is. He's a convicted felon and spent time in prison." She then looks him up on her phone and shows me the pic. Yep, confirmed! That's him. Her sister dated him years and years ago and then she had a good friend date him before the friend got married. This guy actually spent time in Federal prison and has a federal conviction. WOW! What a shocker! Course, it does explain quite a bit.....why is someone LDS, 57 and never married? Apparently, he's a serial dater and I would have been one of many in a long string of women he dates, then doesn't marry. Well, that was the end of that dating saga. There was NO WAY I could EVER consider something like that. Innocent, wrongly convicted, or slightly NOT innocent. A convict just isn't an option. Not now, not ever. That was the end of the love affair. It lasted only 3 dates. Thank goodness! So that is Convict Craig's story. A rather odd chapter in my dating life, but a good one. I could have been duped, because he came across as such a good, solid guy. PHEW! Dodged yet another bullet. It's a wonder I am not angry or bitter. Well, OK, some days I am angry and other days I am bitter. But I still find the humor in almost all my dating stories eventually.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Sometimes all you need in life is a bag of beans......
I met the most amazing woman through work. It's a long story about how I met her, but not that important. What is important is her amazing stories of small miracle after miracle. The miracle for me was that my life will be different for having met her.
Gloria doesn't have a lot of worldly posessions. She doesn't have a glamourous job (in fact I think she may have two jobs just to stay afloat). She doesn't have a fancy wardrobe or a nice car. What she does have is a strong testimony and is full of gratitude. While we were chatting, I asked her if she was LDS. She said she was and she had tried to lose her testimony, but simply could not despite all her experiences below with less than stellar and exemplary Mormons. She has every reason to be angry and bitter, but isn't. Here are some of the stories she told me:
--Her husband left her with 7 kids after the baby was just 3 weeks old. She never heard from him and never received any child support.
--She tried welfare for a while and thought it was "stupid" (her words). She worked 3 jobs at one time to support her family. She would work in between her kids' school schedules so they never felt that she wasn't around. She remembers walking back and forth to her job to feed her baby.
--While she was waiting for her first check, she went to the bishop to ask for help. He told her that she was "hell bait" because she didn't pay tithing. Not sure how you can pay tithing when you haven't even earned a paycheck, so she gave him a piece of her mind and stormed out of his office.
--She told me for whatever reason, her house was egged just about every day. One night she prayed that it was OK that they were constantly being egged, but if it was possible, could there please be eggs left so she could feed her little boy. She said that night that they got egged worse than they had ever experienced. She went outside and sure enough, there were two eggs left intact. She was able to fix her little boy his eggs. She couldn't understand why she was targeted or who would be so mean, but she never seemed angry or bitter tabout being the victim. She taught her kids to never be the bully and never put someone in their situation.
--One winter she didn't have any shoes. All she wanted was a pair of slippers so she could walk outside and get the mail. Some neighbors were moving and had a box that they felt inspired to drop off to her. She was excited thinking it was full of some toys for her kids. She opened the box, and there were 9 pairs of shoes inside. All of them were size six. That's the size she wears.
--Of course the Mormons weren't kind, but those Baptists were. Their preacher would stop by her house and drop off food, check on her and make sure they were OK. They would drive by on the Baptist Bus and honk and wave. She decided that she was going to join them. One day, she got her kids dressed and ready to go. She waved the bus driver over and went to get on the bus, but was stopped in her tracks by a huge electrical shock from the fence that surrounded her house. The fence was not electric, but she took that as a sign that she should not join them. Let me just say that there is nothing wrong with Baptists, in fact they are lovely people and really treated her with much more kindness and compassion than those darn Mormons who give the rest of us a bad name. I am merely relaying the story she told me. She took that electrical shock as a sign that she should not become a Baptist.
--She didn't have any money to buy her kids some food and there was no way she was going to ask that bishop for help. She had no food in the house and prayed for help. She said she felt inspired to clean her house. She cleaned behind her old piano and there she found a bag of beans. The name of the beans: Blessing Beans". She and her family ate those beans for a week. She has no idea how they got there. She cut out the label and put it in her journal.
I am sure she has many more faith promoting stories, but those are the few she shared with me. There is no way I could hear those stories and not be changed somehow.
She inspired me to want to appreciate the things I have even more. When I finally make my millions I want to start a scholarship for single mothers who want to support themselves and get off welfare. It's going to be in honor of Gloria and will have her name.
She's 61 and still has two kids at home. One is mentally handicapped and her other adult child is bi-polar. She doesn't complain or bemoan her lot in life. She says she doesn't need much and is happy to have what little she does. What an example!!! Sometimes all you need is your faith and prayers and a bag of "Blessing Beans" to get you through.
Gloria doesn't have a lot of worldly posessions. She doesn't have a glamourous job (in fact I think she may have two jobs just to stay afloat). She doesn't have a fancy wardrobe or a nice car. What she does have is a strong testimony and is full of gratitude. While we were chatting, I asked her if she was LDS. She said she was and she had tried to lose her testimony, but simply could not despite all her experiences below with less than stellar and exemplary Mormons. She has every reason to be angry and bitter, but isn't. Here are some of the stories she told me:
--Her husband left her with 7 kids after the baby was just 3 weeks old. She never heard from him and never received any child support.
--She tried welfare for a while and thought it was "stupid" (her words). She worked 3 jobs at one time to support her family. She would work in between her kids' school schedules so they never felt that she wasn't around. She remembers walking back and forth to her job to feed her baby.
--While she was waiting for her first check, she went to the bishop to ask for help. He told her that she was "hell bait" because she didn't pay tithing. Not sure how you can pay tithing when you haven't even earned a paycheck, so she gave him a piece of her mind and stormed out of his office.
--She told me for whatever reason, her house was egged just about every day. One night she prayed that it was OK that they were constantly being egged, but if it was possible, could there please be eggs left so she could feed her little boy. She said that night that they got egged worse than they had ever experienced. She went outside and sure enough, there were two eggs left intact. She was able to fix her little boy his eggs. She couldn't understand why she was targeted or who would be so mean, but she never seemed angry or bitter tabout being the victim. She taught her kids to never be the bully and never put someone in their situation.
--One winter she didn't have any shoes. All she wanted was a pair of slippers so she could walk outside and get the mail. Some neighbors were moving and had a box that they felt inspired to drop off to her. She was excited thinking it was full of some toys for her kids. She opened the box, and there were 9 pairs of shoes inside. All of them were size six. That's the size she wears.
--Of course the Mormons weren't kind, but those Baptists were. Their preacher would stop by her house and drop off food, check on her and make sure they were OK. They would drive by on the Baptist Bus and honk and wave. She decided that she was going to join them. One day, she got her kids dressed and ready to go. She waved the bus driver over and went to get on the bus, but was stopped in her tracks by a huge electrical shock from the fence that surrounded her house. The fence was not electric, but she took that as a sign that she should not join them. Let me just say that there is nothing wrong with Baptists, in fact they are lovely people and really treated her with much more kindness and compassion than those darn Mormons who give the rest of us a bad name. I am merely relaying the story she told me. She took that electrical shock as a sign that she should not become a Baptist.
--She didn't have any money to buy her kids some food and there was no way she was going to ask that bishop for help. She had no food in the house and prayed for help. She said she felt inspired to clean her house. She cleaned behind her old piano and there she found a bag of beans. The name of the beans: Blessing Beans". She and her family ate those beans for a week. She has no idea how they got there. She cut out the label and put it in her journal.
I am sure she has many more faith promoting stories, but those are the few she shared with me. There is no way I could hear those stories and not be changed somehow.
She inspired me to want to appreciate the things I have even more. When I finally make my millions I want to start a scholarship for single mothers who want to support themselves and get off welfare. It's going to be in honor of Gloria and will have her name.
She's 61 and still has two kids at home. One is mentally handicapped and her other adult child is bi-polar. She doesn't complain or bemoan her lot in life. She says she doesn't need much and is happy to have what little she does. What an example!!! Sometimes all you need is your faith and prayers and a bag of "Blessing Beans" to get you through.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Sugar Daddy
OK.....so in my line of work, I see all kinds, types and meet people from all walks of life. Today, was no exception. A very kind man walked into the mortuary a few minutes before his appointment. He introduced himself. He was a little unkempt, missing all of his teeth (which he later told me he forgot at home) and was balding except his ears. They had PLENTY of hair. His hands and fingernails were really dirty. When we sat down to chat, he told me that he ate a few hours beforehand so he wouldn't bite. Not sure how he would pull that off with his teeth securely left at home. I guess he could gum me to death in lieu of biting me. Whatever.
So, as per usual, his story unfolds. He tells me that he has a girlfriend. This, of course intrigues me and I know I must find out more. Through the course of our hour-long meeting, these are the details I discover:
1) He and his little woman met in Wendover. She was playing 21 and could only afford the $3 bets. He pulls out wads of $100's and naturally, she is immediately attracted. She explains that she is just trying to win enough money to stay the night so she can catch her bus to Salt Lake the next day. He offers to let her stay in his room and makes arrangements for 2 double beds. Then he proceeds to tell me that half way through the night, she decides to "keep him company" to which I am screaming inside my head "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!! PLEASE STOP!!!! PLEASE DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!
2) When they got back to Salt Lake City, he went and paid the rest of her 6 month lease so that she could move in with him. And they have been "together" ever since.
3) She is now spending all his money. She made him buy a time share and has since moved to San Diego to go to school. He is footing the bill for her to live there. He also shared with me that she received some money from a life insurance policy when her dad died. He is paying for her to stay there so that she can spend HER money on her night life (where I am SURE she is stringing other old men along, having them pay her way for other things that the Utah Sugar Daddy isn't providing).
4) She has a 3 carat diamond that she put on his AMEX.
5) She has her own credit cards but he said, if she maxes them out, that she knows he will pay for it.
6) He is 59 1/2. His little woman is....are you ready for this? 23 yrs. old. That is NOT a typo. She is 23. I must say, the mere thought of well, actually, I really can't think about any of it, because it totally grosses me out.
He is on permanent disability and served in Viet Nam so I am pretty sure he is not altogether there mentally.
I am sure it will be just a matter of time before we see his little woman's mugshot on Dateline where they are focusing on scam artists who take advantage of poor, unsuspecting, toothless, bald men (who have hairy ears).
So, as per usual, his story unfolds. He tells me that he has a girlfriend. This, of course intrigues me and I know I must find out more. Through the course of our hour-long meeting, these are the details I discover:
1) He and his little woman met in Wendover. She was playing 21 and could only afford the $3 bets. He pulls out wads of $100's and naturally, she is immediately attracted. She explains that she is just trying to win enough money to stay the night so she can catch her bus to Salt Lake the next day. He offers to let her stay in his room and makes arrangements for 2 double beds. Then he proceeds to tell me that half way through the night, she decides to "keep him company" to which I am screaming inside my head "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!! PLEASE STOP!!!! PLEASE DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!!!! ENOUGH ALREADY!
2) When they got back to Salt Lake City, he went and paid the rest of her 6 month lease so that she could move in with him. And they have been "together" ever since.
3) She is now spending all his money. She made him buy a time share and has since moved to San Diego to go to school. He is footing the bill for her to live there. He also shared with me that she received some money from a life insurance policy when her dad died. He is paying for her to stay there so that she can spend HER money on her night life (where I am SURE she is stringing other old men along, having them pay her way for other things that the Utah Sugar Daddy isn't providing).
4) She has a 3 carat diamond that she put on his AMEX.
5) She has her own credit cards but he said, if she maxes them out, that she knows he will pay for it.
6) He is 59 1/2. His little woman is....are you ready for this? 23 yrs. old. That is NOT a typo. She is 23. I must say, the mere thought of well, actually, I really can't think about any of it, because it totally grosses me out.
He is on permanent disability and served in Viet Nam so I am pretty sure he is not altogether there mentally.
I am sure it will be just a matter of time before we see his little woman's mugshot on Dateline where they are focusing on scam artists who take advantage of poor, unsuspecting, toothless, bald men (who have hairy ears).
Thursday, July 29, 2010
My latest in a string of admirers.....
It's never a dull moment in funeral sales....I had an appointment with yet another "2nd marriage for both" couple. This one happened to actually like each other and called each other "babe". Here's the kicker: She is in her early sixties and he is, are you ready for this!?!?!?: 93. That is correct, he is 93. That is NOT a typo. He looks young and acts young despite his need for oxygen. We began talking about his funeral plan. Hers was taken care of long ago with her first husband. We were talking about her husband's good health and she said they joke that he will probably outlive her and he will then have to find a 3rd wife. He responded by looking at me and instructing me to leave my number so he could call me in the event of his wife's untimely death. An awkward silence followed his comment. I am getting quite good at simply ignoring these types of comments as if they never occurred. It's the right thing to do and infinitely wiser than responding or offering him any sort of hope that I might be interested. Especially with wifey-poo sitting right there. Well, I did end up leaving my number, but for business purposes only. At least I made a sale out of the deal.
He stays young by driving around his old 54 Hudson that he had restored. I had to take a look at the car. It was pretty spectacular. He appeared to be in better health than the 83 yr. old, so maybe age really is relative.
Another option opened up to me. I called a guy I have been working with on trying to talk him into his funeral plan. Try not to be jealous of my job. I know it's hard given the fact that I am selling people on the idea of their own demise, but being prepared and paying for a funeral in advance is really is a wise choice and you save thousands of dollars in the long run. Enough of the shameless plug. Back to my story: I met with him a few weeks ago. He's been married 4 or 5 times and now has a girlfriend in Layton, I believe. He apparently doesn't want to get married again. To which I say, "why not??!?!? Perhaps the 6th or 7th time is the charm!" Just leave me out of the equation! I called today as a follow-up to our previous follow-up. He told me that he hadn't done one thing since we last talked. but he had been thinking about me. After which he added, "and my funeral plan as well". Oh goody! Another one that is too old, has too many ex-wives and sadly, he has an inoperable brain tumor that causes forgetfulness but is not cancer. Apparently, his condition has not allowed him to forget me as yet..
My job is opening up endless dating possibilities.......who knows what next week will bring!
He stays young by driving around his old 54 Hudson that he had restored. I had to take a look at the car. It was pretty spectacular. He appeared to be in better health than the 83 yr. old, so maybe age really is relative.
Another option opened up to me. I called a guy I have been working with on trying to talk him into his funeral plan. Try not to be jealous of my job. I know it's hard given the fact that I am selling people on the idea of their own demise, but being prepared and paying for a funeral in advance is really is a wise choice and you save thousands of dollars in the long run. Enough of the shameless plug. Back to my story: I met with him a few weeks ago. He's been married 4 or 5 times and now has a girlfriend in Layton, I believe. He apparently doesn't want to get married again. To which I say, "why not??!?!? Perhaps the 6th or 7th time is the charm!" Just leave me out of the equation! I called today as a follow-up to our previous follow-up. He told me that he hadn't done one thing since we last talked. but he had been thinking about me. After which he added, "and my funeral plan as well". Oh goody! Another one that is too old, has too many ex-wives and sadly, he has an inoperable brain tumor that causes forgetfulness but is not cancer. Apparently, his condition has not allowed him to forget me as yet..
My job is opening up endless dating possibilities.......who knows what next week will bring!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Rhodes Rolls--a template for the perfect guy?
I have discovered (thanks to my roomie) a new and delicious dinner roll found in your grocer's freezer. Rhodes Warm and Serve rolls are the best invention since sliced bread. These things are delish and the best part is, they are easy to bake, taste like homemade and require little to no effort. Unless, of course, you count pre-heating the oven and spraying your cookie sheet with Pam as "effort". With all these product placements in my blog, you'd think I was a paid sponsor. I am not, I just love these rolls.
After a delicious dinner of salad, pasta and of course, my favorite Rhodes Warm and Serve roll, I was completely satisfied and said to my roommate that if I could, I would marry these rolls. That is how much I love them. I said it would be a perfectly satisfying relationship Admittedly, this would be sort of one sided, but I have decided over the years that I am more of a taker when it comes to the whole give and take concept which probably explains, at least in part, my single status. While I was cleaning the kitchen, she suggested that I need to find a warm, soft, bald, round man not unlike the Rhodes rolls. He could be a little crusty on the outside (cooked to a perfect golden brown) but soft and warm on the inside. Big sigh. I think I could go for that. After all, I have tried to date just about everything else....Now that I think about it, there have been two bald men in my past. Neither of them were as good as the Rhodes Warm and Serve. Until I find someone who is as good as those rolls, I am afraid it's just not going to work.
After a delicious dinner of salad, pasta and of course, my favorite Rhodes Warm and Serve roll, I was completely satisfied and said to my roommate that if I could, I would marry these rolls. That is how much I love them. I said it would be a perfectly satisfying relationship Admittedly, this would be sort of one sided, but I have decided over the years that I am more of a taker when it comes to the whole give and take concept which probably explains, at least in part, my single status. While I was cleaning the kitchen, she suggested that I need to find a warm, soft, bald, round man not unlike the Rhodes rolls. He could be a little crusty on the outside (cooked to a perfect golden brown) but soft and warm on the inside. Big sigh. I think I could go for that. After all, I have tried to date just about everything else....Now that I think about it, there have been two bald men in my past. Neither of them were as good as the Rhodes Warm and Serve. Until I find someone who is as good as those rolls, I am afraid it's just not going to work.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
One Blind Date....Twice Removed
Tonight was another waste of the pretty.
I got a text from a phone number I didn't recognize a few weeks ago. The text asked if I would be interested in going out with someone who knows someone who is single. You know....a friend of a friend who has a friend who is single.
After my last two dating experiences (which will be shared later), I had sworn off dating, but once I figured out who sent me the text, I decided, "Why not?" Direct blind dating hadn't paid off before but maybe distant blind dating might be the answer......After our date tonight, distant dating doesn't seem to be the cure to my single disease either.
Our first phone conversation didn't leave me with a great impression, but ever the super dating trooper, I conceded to go out. He actually asked me what I thought of the weather. Really!?!?!? You want to talk about the weather!?!?!?!
Our 2nd conversation went better. It was good enough that I was almost (and I stress almost) excited to go out. I found out he was 56 and in his words...."an old bastard". Uh, yeah, that's a little too old for me. So far, 57 is the record. And that was a big, big stretch.
We met for dinner at Market Street on 106th South (my suggestion). We arrived about the same time. Speaking of time, I need to mention that he wanted to beat the dinner crowd, so apparently, even 5:00 was too late. I forgot for a minute that I was going out with a senior citizen. Had I left the decision to him, we probably would have gone to Sizzler or the Golden Corral to take advantage of the senior citizen discount. We met at 4:30!!! I was still full from lunch. Who goes to dinner at 4:30!?!?!? The good news is, that I was home before 7:00 and can now work on my church talk that I continue to put off. While this guy was OK (and by OK, I mean he didn't have 8 kids and was not a convicted felon which sadly, is a step up from the last two I went out with), we are NOT a match. He's too old, too short and wants to go to dinner too early. He also hasn't been to church in 7 years and told me that since I am on a calling break that I will be in his inactive shoes in 7 years. Tempting, but probably won't happen. I hear people using their single status as an excuse to not go to church. Personally, I think that is lame. Since when did religion only work if you are married? I think you probably need extra heavenly help when you are married, but again, lame excuse. I can think of many other reasons to not go to church, marital status is not even in the top 10. But apparently, according to him, the fact that I live in Provo makes my ward different than wards in SLC, so it's OK to be single in Provo, but not in SLC.
Fingers crossed he didn't like me. That will be easier than if he did and then I have to tell him that that age/height/church activity level differences are too much for me to overcome.
Special dating tip: When a guy says he is 5'10" that really translates to at least 2" shorter than his actual height. So factor that in when going out and plan to wear shoes according to his ACTUAL height.
Quick update on the 83 yr. old.: He called me on Mother's Day and left a message wanting to know if I would join him at the old folks home to listen to a youth group, then go grab a little dinner. Even that probably would have been later than today's 4:30 dinner date. I then heard nothing from him and thought that maybe he had moved on with someone closer to his age or in all reality, he very well could have passed away. Then he called and I decided it was time to nip this in the bud. He told me he hadn't contacted me because he'd been in the hospital. He asked me out and I told him firmly twice that we absolutely cannot go out. That appears to be the end of that tale, but since he doesn't have full mental capacity, he may have forgotten I turned him down.
Oh the joys of dating.
I got a text from a phone number I didn't recognize a few weeks ago. The text asked if I would be interested in going out with someone who knows someone who is single. You know....a friend of a friend who has a friend who is single.
After my last two dating experiences (which will be shared later), I had sworn off dating, but once I figured out who sent me the text, I decided, "Why not?" Direct blind dating hadn't paid off before but maybe distant blind dating might be the answer......After our date tonight, distant dating doesn't seem to be the cure to my single disease either.
Our first phone conversation didn't leave me with a great impression, but ever the super dating trooper, I conceded to go out. He actually asked me what I thought of the weather. Really!?!?!? You want to talk about the weather!?!?!?!
Our 2nd conversation went better. It was good enough that I was almost (and I stress almost) excited to go out. I found out he was 56 and in his words...."an old bastard". Uh, yeah, that's a little too old for me. So far, 57 is the record. And that was a big, big stretch.
We met for dinner at Market Street on 106th South (my suggestion). We arrived about the same time. Speaking of time, I need to mention that he wanted to beat the dinner crowd, so apparently, even 5:00 was too late. I forgot for a minute that I was going out with a senior citizen. Had I left the decision to him, we probably would have gone to Sizzler or the Golden Corral to take advantage of the senior citizen discount. We met at 4:30!!! I was still full from lunch. Who goes to dinner at 4:30!?!?!? The good news is, that I was home before 7:00 and can now work on my church talk that I continue to put off. While this guy was OK (and by OK, I mean he didn't have 8 kids and was not a convicted felon which sadly, is a step up from the last two I went out with), we are NOT a match. He's too old, too short and wants to go to dinner too early. He also hasn't been to church in 7 years and told me that since I am on a calling break that I will be in his inactive shoes in 7 years. Tempting, but probably won't happen. I hear people using their single status as an excuse to not go to church. Personally, I think that is lame. Since when did religion only work if you are married? I think you probably need extra heavenly help when you are married, but again, lame excuse. I can think of many other reasons to not go to church, marital status is not even in the top 10. But apparently, according to him, the fact that I live in Provo makes my ward different than wards in SLC, so it's OK to be single in Provo, but not in SLC.
Fingers crossed he didn't like me. That will be easier than if he did and then I have to tell him that that age/height/church activity level differences are too much for me to overcome.
Special dating tip: When a guy says he is 5'10" that really translates to at least 2" shorter than his actual height. So factor that in when going out and plan to wear shoes according to his ACTUAL height.
Quick update on the 83 yr. old.: He called me on Mother's Day and left a message wanting to know if I would join him at the old folks home to listen to a youth group, then go grab a little dinner. Even that probably would have been later than today's 4:30 dinner date. I then heard nothing from him and thought that maybe he had moved on with someone closer to his age or in all reality, he very well could have passed away. Then he called and I decided it was time to nip this in the bud. He told me he hadn't contacted me because he'd been in the hospital. He asked me out and I told him firmly twice that we absolutely cannot go out. That appears to be the end of that tale, but since he doesn't have full mental capacity, he may have forgotten I turned him down.
Oh the joys of dating.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Silver Fox Strikes Again
I am throwing myself into the blogosphere with full force. Because truth is stranger than fiction and my job and dating life are nothing but the truth (stranger than fiction) it's time to share my topsy turvy crazy life with friends, family and the world.
First, a little background. I was recently employed by an insurance company selling....wait for it....funeral plans. Yep, my goal is to put the "fun" back into funeral planning. Essentially, I meet with people who want to plan in advance and save their families lots of heartache, stress and of course, the all important dollar.
This is my first story (but it for sure will not be the last).
I have an 83 yr. old "boyfriend". Here is how it went down:
I was at an undisclosed assisted living center helping a certain senior citizen with his funeral plans. His best bud wanted to chat with me after we were done. I had to interrupt the Mr. Keyboard piano player who was mesmerizing the crowd with soothing love songs from the 50's and 60's. I suppose this could have been considered our first "date". Rock on piano man, ROCK ON!!!!
Silver Fox was happy to chat with me despite the fact that he could barely make it without his walker but we managed to find a place to sit down to talk about planning his funeral. About 20 minutes into our conversation, a German woman with red hair walked by. He called out (during the middle of our disussion) , "Hey Red!" She is a potential future resident of the undisclosed assisted living center. They began a big flirt session, which frankly, was a little uncomfortable to watch. She kept asking me if I was his daughter. (For the record, he is old enough to be my grandfather). He kept insisting that what we were talking about was pure business. Little did I know that would all change overnight.
He continues to call incessantly. At first, there were no messages, so I didn't know who it was calling me over and over. Then, there were a few messages. I called the undisclosed assisted living center to return his call. To make a long story slightly shorter, we will fast forward to today.
A woman was on the phone for me. I didn't recognize her name and took the call. She told me that she was Silver Fox's daughter, then without warning, she told me that her father didn't want a funeral plan, he wanted to marry me. Yes, that's correct. I could pull an Anna Nicole Smith and get engaged tomorrow if I want. This man really knows how to work it. He told me he has two ex-wives and 3 girlfriends and other undisclosed assisted living centers across the Wasatch Front. Silver Fox's daughter and I had a lovely conversation and she instructed me that it would be best to not return his calls. He would soon move on to someone else. She told me that she asked him how old I was which he didn't know but that I had kids. (Um, no. I am kidless). I got another rather urgent call from him tonight. The message was basically that he wanted to get together with me and if I didn't want to, then FINE! And so it goes......
First, a little background. I was recently employed by an insurance company selling....wait for it....funeral plans. Yep, my goal is to put the "fun" back into funeral planning. Essentially, I meet with people who want to plan in advance and save their families lots of heartache, stress and of course, the all important dollar.
This is my first story (but it for sure will not be the last).
I have an 83 yr. old "boyfriend". Here is how it went down:
I was at an undisclosed assisted living center helping a certain senior citizen with his funeral plans. His best bud wanted to chat with me after we were done. I had to interrupt the Mr. Keyboard piano player who was mesmerizing the crowd with soothing love songs from the 50's and 60's. I suppose this could have been considered our first "date". Rock on piano man, ROCK ON!!!!
Silver Fox was happy to chat with me despite the fact that he could barely make it without his walker but we managed to find a place to sit down to talk about planning his funeral. About 20 minutes into our conversation, a German woman with red hair walked by. He called out (during the middle of our disussion) , "Hey Red!" She is a potential future resident of the undisclosed assisted living center. They began a big flirt session, which frankly, was a little uncomfortable to watch. She kept asking me if I was his daughter. (For the record, he is old enough to be my grandfather). He kept insisting that what we were talking about was pure business. Little did I know that would all change overnight.
He continues to call incessantly. At first, there were no messages, so I didn't know who it was calling me over and over. Then, there were a few messages. I called the undisclosed assisted living center to return his call. To make a long story slightly shorter, we will fast forward to today.
A woman was on the phone for me. I didn't recognize her name and took the call. She told me that she was Silver Fox's daughter, then without warning, she told me that her father didn't want a funeral plan, he wanted to marry me. Yes, that's correct. I could pull an Anna Nicole Smith and get engaged tomorrow if I want. This man really knows how to work it. He told me he has two ex-wives and 3 girlfriends and other undisclosed assisted living centers across the Wasatch Front. Silver Fox's daughter and I had a lovely conversation and she instructed me that it would be best to not return his calls. He would soon move on to someone else. She told me that she asked him how old I was which he didn't know but that I had kids. (Um, no. I am kidless). I got another rather urgent call from him tonight. The message was basically that he wanted to get together with me and if I didn't want to, then FINE! And so it goes......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)