Tonight was another waste of the pretty.
I got a text from a phone number I didn't recognize a few weeks ago. The text asked if I would be interested in going out with someone who knows someone who is single. You know....a friend of a friend who has a friend who is single.
After my last two dating experiences (which will be shared later), I had sworn off dating, but once I figured out who sent me the text, I decided, "Why not?" Direct blind dating hadn't paid off before but maybe distant blind dating might be the answer......After our date tonight, distant dating doesn't seem to be the cure to my single disease either.
Our first phone conversation didn't leave me with a great impression, but ever the super dating trooper, I conceded to go out. He actually asked me what I thought of the weather. Really!?!?!? You want to talk about the weather!?!?!?!
Our 2nd conversation went better. It was good enough that I was almost (and I stress almost) excited to go out. I found out he was 56 and in his words...."an old bastard". Uh, yeah, that's a little too old for me. So far, 57 is the record. And that was a big, big stretch.
We met for dinner at Market Street on 106th South (my suggestion). We arrived about the same time. Speaking of time, I need to mention that he wanted to beat the dinner crowd, so apparently, even 5:00 was too late. I forgot for a minute that I was going out with a senior citizen. Had I left the decision to him, we probably would have gone to Sizzler or the Golden Corral to take advantage of the senior citizen discount. We met at 4:30!!! I was still full from lunch. Who goes to dinner at 4:30!?!?!? The good news is, that I was home before 7:00 and can now work on my church talk that I continue to put off. While this guy was OK (and by OK, I mean he didn't have 8 kids and was not a convicted felon which sadly, is a step up from the last two I went out with), we are NOT a match. He's too old, too short and wants to go to dinner too early. He also hasn't been to church in 7 years and told me that since I am on a calling break that I will be in his inactive shoes in 7 years. Tempting, but probably won't happen. I hear people using their single status as an excuse to not go to church. Personally, I think that is lame. Since when did religion only work if you are married? I think you probably need extra heavenly help when you are married, but again, lame excuse. I can think of many other reasons to not go to church, marital status is not even in the top 10. But apparently, according to him, the fact that I live in Provo makes my ward different than wards in SLC, so it's OK to be single in Provo, but not in SLC.
Fingers crossed he didn't like me. That will be easier than if he did and then I have to tell him that that age/height/church activity level differences are too much for me to overcome.
Special dating tip: When a guy says he is 5'10" that really translates to at least 2" shorter than his actual height. So factor that in when going out and plan to wear shoes according to his ACTUAL height.
Quick update on the 83 yr. old.: He called me on Mother's Day and left a message wanting to know if I would join him at the old folks home to listen to a youth group, then go grab a little dinner. Even that probably would have been later than today's 4:30 dinner date. I then heard nothing from him and thought that maybe he had moved on with someone closer to his age or in all reality, he very well could have passed away. Then he called and I decided it was time to nip this in the bud. He told me he hadn't contacted me because he'd been in the hospital. He asked me out and I told him firmly twice that we absolutely cannot go out. That appears to be the end of that tale, but since he doesn't have full mental capacity, he may have forgotten I turned him down.
Oh the joys of dating.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Silver Fox Strikes Again
I am throwing myself into the blogosphere with full force. Because truth is stranger than fiction and my job and dating life are nothing but the truth (stranger than fiction) it's time to share my topsy turvy crazy life with friends, family and the world.
First, a little background. I was recently employed by an insurance company selling....wait for it....funeral plans. Yep, my goal is to put the "fun" back into funeral planning. Essentially, I meet with people who want to plan in advance and save their families lots of heartache, stress and of course, the all important dollar.
This is my first story (but it for sure will not be the last).
I have an 83 yr. old "boyfriend". Here is how it went down:
I was at an undisclosed assisted living center helping a certain senior citizen with his funeral plans. His best bud wanted to chat with me after we were done. I had to interrupt the Mr. Keyboard piano player who was mesmerizing the crowd with soothing love songs from the 50's and 60's. I suppose this could have been considered our first "date". Rock on piano man, ROCK ON!!!!
Silver Fox was happy to chat with me despite the fact that he could barely make it without his walker but we managed to find a place to sit down to talk about planning his funeral. About 20 minutes into our conversation, a German woman with red hair walked by. He called out (during the middle of our disussion) , "Hey Red!" She is a potential future resident of the undisclosed assisted living center. They began a big flirt session, which frankly, was a little uncomfortable to watch. She kept asking me if I was his daughter. (For the record, he is old enough to be my grandfather). He kept insisting that what we were talking about was pure business. Little did I know that would all change overnight.
He continues to call incessantly. At first, there were no messages, so I didn't know who it was calling me over and over. Then, there were a few messages. I called the undisclosed assisted living center to return his call. To make a long story slightly shorter, we will fast forward to today.
A woman was on the phone for me. I didn't recognize her name and took the call. She told me that she was Silver Fox's daughter, then without warning, she told me that her father didn't want a funeral plan, he wanted to marry me. Yes, that's correct. I could pull an Anna Nicole Smith and get engaged tomorrow if I want. This man really knows how to work it. He told me he has two ex-wives and 3 girlfriends and other undisclosed assisted living centers across the Wasatch Front. Silver Fox's daughter and I had a lovely conversation and she instructed me that it would be best to not return his calls. He would soon move on to someone else. She told me that she asked him how old I was which he didn't know but that I had kids. (Um, no. I am kidless). I got another rather urgent call from him tonight. The message was basically that he wanted to get together with me and if I didn't want to, then FINE! And so it goes......
First, a little background. I was recently employed by an insurance company selling....wait for it....funeral plans. Yep, my goal is to put the "fun" back into funeral planning. Essentially, I meet with people who want to plan in advance and save their families lots of heartache, stress and of course, the all important dollar.
This is my first story (but it for sure will not be the last).
I have an 83 yr. old "boyfriend". Here is how it went down:
I was at an undisclosed assisted living center helping a certain senior citizen with his funeral plans. His best bud wanted to chat with me after we were done. I had to interrupt the Mr. Keyboard piano player who was mesmerizing the crowd with soothing love songs from the 50's and 60's. I suppose this could have been considered our first "date". Rock on piano man, ROCK ON!!!!
Silver Fox was happy to chat with me despite the fact that he could barely make it without his walker but we managed to find a place to sit down to talk about planning his funeral. About 20 minutes into our conversation, a German woman with red hair walked by. He called out (during the middle of our disussion) , "Hey Red!" She is a potential future resident of the undisclosed assisted living center. They began a big flirt session, which frankly, was a little uncomfortable to watch. She kept asking me if I was his daughter. (For the record, he is old enough to be my grandfather). He kept insisting that what we were talking about was pure business. Little did I know that would all change overnight.
He continues to call incessantly. At first, there were no messages, so I didn't know who it was calling me over and over. Then, there were a few messages. I called the undisclosed assisted living center to return his call. To make a long story slightly shorter, we will fast forward to today.
A woman was on the phone for me. I didn't recognize her name and took the call. She told me that she was Silver Fox's daughter, then without warning, she told me that her father didn't want a funeral plan, he wanted to marry me. Yes, that's correct. I could pull an Anna Nicole Smith and get engaged tomorrow if I want. This man really knows how to work it. He told me he has two ex-wives and 3 girlfriends and other undisclosed assisted living centers across the Wasatch Front. Silver Fox's daughter and I had a lovely conversation and she instructed me that it would be best to not return his calls. He would soon move on to someone else. She told me that she asked him how old I was which he didn't know but that I had kids. (Um, no. I am kidless). I got another rather urgent call from him tonight. The message was basically that he wanted to get together with me and if I didn't want to, then FINE! And so it goes......
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