Sugar Daddy

OK.....so in my line of work, I see all kinds, types and meet people from all walks of life.  Today, was no exception.  A very kind man walked into the mortuary a few minutes before his appointment.  He introduced himself.  He was a little unkempt, missing all of his teeth (which he later told me he forgot at home) and was balding except his ears. They had PLENTY of hair.  His hands and fingernails were really dirty.  When we sat down to chat, he told me that he ate a few hours beforehand so he wouldn't bite.  Not sure how he would pull that off with his teeth securely left at home.  I guess he could gum me to death in lieu of biting me.  Whatever.

So, as per usual, his story unfolds.  He tells me that he has a girlfriend.  This, of course intrigues me and I know I must find out more.  Through the course of our hour-long meeting, these are the details I discover:

1) He and his little woman met in Wendover.  She was playing 21 and could only afford the $3 bets.  He pulls out wads of $100's and naturally, she is immediately attracted.  She explains that she is just trying to win enough money to stay the night so she can catch her bus to Salt Lake the next day.  He offers to let her stay in his room and makes arrangements for 2 double beds.  Then he proceeds to tell me that  half way through the night, she decides to "keep him company" to which I am screaming inside my head "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!  PLEASE STOP!!!!  PLEASE DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD!!!!  ENOUGH ALREADY!

2) When they got back to Salt Lake City, he went and paid the rest of her 6 month lease so that she could move in with him.   And they have been "together" ever since.

3) She is now spending all his money.  She made him buy a time share and has since moved to San Diego to go to school.  He is footing the bill for her to live there.  He also shared with me that she received some money from a life insurance policy when her dad died.  He is paying for her to stay there so that she can spend HER money on her night life (where I am SURE she is stringing other old men along, having them pay her way for other things that the Utah Sugar Daddy isn't providing).

4) She has a 3 carat diamond that she put on his AMEX. 

5) She has her own credit cards but he said, if she maxes them out, that she knows he will pay for it.

6) He is 59 1/2.  His little woman is....are you ready for this?  23 yrs. old.  That is NOT a typo.  She is 23.  I must say, the mere thought of well, actually, I really can't think about any of it, because it totally grosses me out. 

He is on permanent disability and served in Viet Nam so I am pretty sure he is not altogether there mentally. 
I am sure it will be just a matter of time before we see his little woman's mugshot on Dateline where they are focusing on scam artists who take advantage of poor, unsuspecting, toothless, bald men (who have hairy ears).